AmaTainted

i was born into a world of confussion and pain where people were learning to be better people. though they tried, they have failed... there are still far too many who are racist and are trying to oppress.

i began this life almost 40 years ago. i am the 4th of 5 children. i am the youngest girl.

my parents were loving in their own way. my dad was very military and my mom was very religious.

between the navy and penticostal background, i lived a sheltered life. most of which, i cannot recall.

i married the first boy who said he loved me (in 1991).

i have two children (91 & 94). my first was born with Spherocytosis. My second, a month before my accident.

in 1994, i was in an auto accident that took most of my childhood memories (but i have stacks of poems that read like a diary. apparently, i have been writing since 1980 or 9 years of age so, not all is lost but still do not understand my childhood...).

i tried to be the good wife and mom but its rather difficult when you are uncertain who you are, let alone, the others who demand your attention (in search of who i was, lead me to other arms...).

its fair to assume that i am a bit mental (but its not documented so its not really real)...

my first marriage lasted all of 7 years.

i was single for 10 months before accepting another ring. we have been together for 13 years but only 11 as husband and wife.

my children are almost grown now...

my husband is close to retirement...

we all are embarking on new adventures.

sometimes i feel lost, swepted down the river of life, wishing i had a safety net, a lifevest, a boat and a paddle.

yes, i am needy but its a passing thing.

i am happy.

i am in love.

i am ready for what comes my way (im open minded to everything that comes my way but im not always strong enough to handle it alone...).

****

i write but i do not claim to be a writer though it has always been a dream of mine. i gave up on that want when i became mom at the early age of 19 and i do not regret that choice. i do however, regret that i completely stopped writing because i was told (by my now ex) that "writing is stupid and no one ever made a living by doing that". i wrote in secret for years after meeting a muse but still never took my writing seriously. that naive little girl hung on his every word and believed in all he said but that was many years ago and the only one who keeps me from moving forward with my writing is me. i suppose that somewhere deep inside that scared little girl lives...

since 91, i have been blessed with two beautiful girls, divorced the devil, married an angel, inherited 4 more children, started writing more than just poems, got in touch with my feelings and made a home here.

most all my stories and poems depict truths in my life. the topics are all over the map, pulling on any and every emotion ive every felt or will feel. there are poems here from a child of 9 all the way up to present date.

ask questions if you need to? i am comfortable in my skin. i know who i am and what i have been. please, feel free to leave messages? constructive criticisms are welcomed and very much appreciated.

i cannot post many things i write on HP due to content so i have another account if you care to visit or add or what have you. i eat, drink and sleep erotica. there are times that i wish i was normal but the sad truth is, im not. i enjoy fantasy/flights of the imagination. at no time do the two worlds collide but just think of all the memories that could be made if they did...

 Ama

( FB : http://facebook.com/TAINTED.01 )